Sophie's World Blog

Giving up our own life and dreams for our children

Giving up our own life and dreams for our children

The answer to the question on what changed in your life after you gave birth is: EVERYTHING.

Nothing is the same as before, your whole world has changed, your life and the life around you. The way how you look at the world and the way how the world is looking at you. That is basic. And after all of that, it is only up to us how to continue...

Slowly or quickly, it depends on our personality, but we are adapting the new life.

And this new life situation is bringing new opportunities. Our real personality is not changing, our life goals, our dreams, are not going to disappear, but only transform to a higher place.

And in this period, it’s good to not forget or give up our goals and dreams. I’ll tell you why.

Good for you:

When everything changed, it does not mean everything stopped. Changing is a movement, and if you can move with this flow, you won’t lose yourself, but only make things better. You’ll become more than you already are.

Having a kid means we are starting a completely new life, but in this new life, our world is moving from ourselves to the child. The child will be in the middle and us parents will be around him. That is perfectly right.

And life goes on; your life, your partner’s life, and the kid’s life too. You are a family but also individuals - individuals who have dreams, tasks, and functions.

Don’t give yourself up, it might sound selfish, but if you give yourself up, sooner or later you will be a very sad and bitter person, and the family around you will feel this and they will start to compensate and this is just taking energy from the good things. This is not good for anyone at all. Our dreams and task is our will, which is what gives us a freedom and a strong belief. This gives us hope. You can be a whole person if you continue your life, and if you are whole and happy, so will everybody around you.

Most of the time, this stored energy starts to eat us from the inside. We will be angry at the world, looking for guilty people around us, blaming our partner and everybody. But the problem is not only that - we’re stuck, we don’t want to live our life, and we want to put our energies on the kid’s life. But the kid doesn’t need our life, and never asked for it. They only need our love and care. Don’t make a martyr of yourself; nobody asked you and no one will be sorry. Self-pity is only killing you.

  • Slowly, you can destroy everything, if you don’t realize in time what your life is and what your kid’s life is. And if you go further, you can destroy your child’s life too, not just yours.
  • You will set a bad example to your child if you don’t live your dreams. You will put all your expectations on the kid, which is very hard for them, and will make them anxious and unhappy. They don’t understand what is it exactly that they need to do to make you smile and be satisfied. Because they are here to make their own dreams come true, not yours, they won’t be able to be good enough with your dream. Never.
  • They will have learning problems, because you will make them take classes after school hours that are aligned with your dream. They won’t have a free afternoon to have a little rest and play or just be a kid. They will be confused who they are, because you let them run with you to hunt your dreams. You will cause them a headache – a tendency to say “I had enough,” “I can’t learn anymore” – then you go to see a psychologist and ask for help, if your realize what is happening. If you don’t, then you have to take all the responsibility for your child, now and later.

Good to your partner:

He/she will see and feel the whole person close to them, will feel the energy of moving and your strength, and that power will give him/her an extra charging go through his everyday life and you’ll also be a good example.

Good for your kid:

He/she gets a chance to grow up with a healthy heart, soul, and mind. They won’t have self-esteem problems, they will know how to follow their dreams, they will know how to not give up, they will know how to fight for their right. You can be a good example of what’s worth following.


Copyright: Zsófia Michelin-Corporatum Oy, Content pictures copyrigh: Shutterstock, Development: e-Com