Sophie's World Blog

Imitating the perfect family

What about the kids?

Imitating the perfect family

Showing to the outside world that we are a perfect family is not the same with pausing the conflict for the moment in a public place and talking it over when we arrive home.

This is a reasonable solution to not press our conflict or problem to anybody else who doesn’t need to be a part of it.

Showing for long time that everything is fine and dandy like we have no conflict and no problem, then not sit down and resolve them is imitating.

Sometimes it may be easier to think that it’s better to not talk about problems, either for the reason of keeping the good mood for that evening or finding more or more reasons why not now, but it’s not a good solution, especially if we have children.

Even adults are collecting stress because of unsaid words, and blow up at the end because of a tiny little thing that was the on the peak of our emotions.

We must know that children can also keep their frustration and stress inside and when it starts to be unmanageable for them, they give negative reactions: depression, aggression and so on.

These are only the reactions at the moment, but unfortunately, since parents are their role models, they adapt the bad and unusable method in handling their conflicts in the future, because this behavior is affecting our kids’ lives, their attitudes, and their life as adults.

If we are in that lucky situation where we recognize this in time, it’s time to think over our behavior.

Maybe the cause of the kid’s behavior is not the school or kindergarten or anything else but ourselves and the system at home. Then we can change our own old habit and attitude; it will benefit the entire family.

Healthy personality coming from a healthy family background

We, parents, are the closest and most reliable persons in our children’s lives. Of course they will copy us when they grow up. This is our responsibility, and we will feel better if we know we gave our best in any area of raising them.

How does a fake family model affect our child development mentally?

  • They will pick up and put on different kinds of unhealthy masks

This means they always want to show to the world they are perfect in every kind of situation, perfectly adapting any kind of personality – I mean not the healthy personas that are very important in our life – then the real person will soon disappear and finally the kid won’t know who he/she really is originally. Other than it being destructive, he’ll learn that no one can express his own feelings in the family, because everyone is alone with their own problems; there’s no unity, no help from the others. From one side of this, it’s loneliness, on the other side, it’s insensitivity towards others. These are not what a child needs from his family, and both are far away from the healthy foundation that a family needs to give.

In the end, the kids will:

  • Copy their family model, and they will continue to live as their parents lived
  • They will never be able to learn to take on themselves and their works
  • They will be unstable adults
  • They won’t be able to handle conflicts
  • They will be afraid of taking chances
  • They will be afraid of others’ judgment
  • They won’t be sure about themselves and their acts
  • They will be confused adults

If we want and need to make changes in our life, and we want a better and easier life for our children, then better start fixing and changing things, habits, and acts within ourselves.

But honestly – what is a perfect family?

What does “perfect” exactly mean - that there’s no arguing or no conflict? Is this about the family’s outlook?

No, I think not.

The family is perfect if you love each other, your unity is a priority for you and not a single member of the family feels that he lives beside the family and not as part of it.


Copyright: Zsófia Michelin-Corporatum Oy, Content pictures copyrigh: Shutterstock, Development: e-Com