To be a good-enough mother/parent is not an easy task. We can feel the weight of our responsibility day by day. Advices come from everywhere; everybody knows what you should do, how to react, and how to educate your kids. But most of the time, the best reaction is there inside of you, coming from you. It’s better to not misunderstand your positions. Parents don’t have to be too strict and don’t have to be too lenient.
Find the golden mean between the two.
Here are 6 signs you might be starting to lose control…
No routines, no boundaries
Life seems to be much more complicated that you organize every day in advance. You don’t need to do that. But the fact is, if the nice daily routine (a relatively fix series of actions) is missing, it may cause problems like: laziness, spoiled kids, and no liability to your kids. Kids always need boundaries and rules - that is how they know they are safe. Kids need to learn they live not with their ego alone; to understand that parents need to create the limits. For example, if you say it’s time to go to sleep, it can’t be more that 5 minutes of watching TV or playing a game.
If that is missing, kids will never know what independence is, lose control, and every situation will be frustrating for them. And frustration brings aggression or anxiety. So, when you hear the word “non-frustration” education, think it over before you start to practice it with your kids. It does not work for everyone.
A lot of parents think it’s easier if they don’t start any conflict. They say yes to everything so that they don’t need to argue, especially when they’re not at home, as they would feel ashamed in front of others, and they live under the kids’ demand. And of course, the kids will notice this, and they will take advantage of it again and again and even try it at home too. Don’t feel embarrassed about your kid’s behavior, it really does not matter what other people say or think. You know the truth and that’s what counts, nothing else. Take charge of the conflict, does not matter where you are, kids always look for the gap where they can find their way and get what they want. And as they grow, it gets worse and worse if you don’t notice it on time.
Kids need to take responsibility too – parents need to teach them
They happily use excuses like “I am tired,” “I need to do my homework,” “I need to learn,” and so on whenever you ask them to help at home. But they need to learn that in real life, nobody will pack up after them, fix the bed for them, put their clothes in the closet, and basically be their servant. NONE. By doing this, your kids will become healthy, stable adults. Parents need to understand that there are things that they need to do. So that’s how they will be: responsible adults, professional in their work, and good-enough parents.
Don’t want to be a friend to your children
Many parents are proud with the fact that they are best friends with their kids. Emotional closeness and free communication is always useful – except if one of the parties forgets where his place is in this system. Namely, a friend can never tell you “don’t do this and that.” And that could cause serious disputes if we don’t clear the situation, and if we were like that and we realized just now that this is not working anymore. Don’t be afraid to sit down with your child and tell him you made a mistake. Finally, it will end up well, because kids can also see that adults can make mistakes too, nobody is perfect, and if we make a mistake, we don’t have to be afraid to change our mind and take the responsibility.
Parents choose the easier way
Parents are busier than ever, and they don’t have time to take care of their children. But as parents, we don’t need to buy them things just because that tablet or telephone makes the parents’ life easier and they don’t have to spend so much time for their children. Kids need to learn patience. Patience for life, to wait for their parents, wait for the food, wait for the time when they can talk, and so on. And that patience seems to be disappearing in our time, everything is getting quicker and quicker, we want things now and there is no such thing as waiting. And our kids see this and they want to follow the same tempo. Show them a good example, slow down, and be patient.
Don’t let the child dictate
It’s totally natural if we feed and dress up our kids, but today, parents are starting to exaggerate. Some parents just throw away their needs, their friends, their life, and their programs because of the kids. That behavior is going nowhere, those parents will collapse one day, and they won’t have their own life and personalities. And the kids are going to use this ruthlessly until the parent’s last breath.
Never forget that the parents have the power and the guidance, some of them do not want to live with it, but after a while, it will go back at them and will be very painful. And the fact is, attention does not exclude love. Moreover, it gives respect and prestige to the parents.
Don’t be afraid of your children.
They just want to live same as we parents want to. Make it good for both parties.