That is how it goes, adolescence comes. This time period is basically different, than the sweet toddler times. And that is true from both parts. We have to confess, these are not easy years. But only depends on how can we handle it, and if we got a chance try to do with attention, it worth it. This period is full of challenge and trial which is could be stormy and cloudy sometimes.

In the time of adolescence the most important question is “who am I?” Teens want to be himself/herself. An individual who is looking for his place in this world, find his personality and able to control it alone.

That is all alright, but who to follow, who is the exemple? At the school, at home, parents, friends etc.

How parents can help?

Just like in every relationship it is very important what is the quality of our relationship, how did we build up our communication with our child. That is the basic, to be there for them, when they need you, because THEY NEED YOU. Don’t leave them alone with their problems, keep asking them about thoughts and feelings.

• Family is always the first on the priority list. From the birth child needs to know Family comes first. Family events, evening dinners should be enjoyable that the child wants to be there. When teenage time come, otherwise they will run away.
• Let’s hope that the child’s example is his or her parent. The truth is that this is the time that the child realize that his mother and father isn’t perfect. Sometimes it is a very shocking experience for the child. So you need to make him understand already earlier that mommy and daddy is not human. Show when you make mistakes, or explain when you aren’t the best person in the world.

• So when he realizes that mom and dad is not the best he starts to look other examples. For ex. someone from the celebrities – than we have to ask him why that person, what is the attribution of than man/woman why they decide to follow that person. Get closer, you have to talk about this, and if the teen has an oblique or skew mirror than better we correct that and make it clear.

• And what if the example is someone from the school, a classmate who is not really an example only just a person who only a kind of “ace” at the school nothing more. There is something we have to put in a right row. Because in this case your teen is in a trap. Maybe in this case is not about looking up to someone, but mostly about not know where to go, who to follow, and find his own way. Or maybe he wants to make you angry. Or maybe he thinks being part of a gang or close to that person he can be a better person for the outside world. Is it a very important to be there at this moment, first realize this fact, than try to help with our knowledge.

We can try to convince them about their on strength and personality, which is of course, not ready yet but definitely already there. You can highlight their positive and negative qualities, juts to make sure they know about these. Then ask them to thinking about these positive qualities, talk with them, share your opinion about it, bring up examples from your teen time and your adult time. This is giving them a kind of way of thinking about themselves, a mirror who they are and you can weak up their self-confidence which is always important for a healthy adult life. And like this you give a helping hand to them, and teens will be able to find a right way, a right way to be proud to that who they are without copying anybody else.

Also true in the time of adolescence they starting to think abstractly. They imagine how do they react in a concrete situation. And less and less accept the ready answers and solutions. They want to follow their head. And that is quite all right. So after all of that you are a helper, have to be acceptor too. Teens are hyper sensitive for “must be like this”, avoid from that, don’t try to directed them directly only from the back, don’t try to subjugate them.

Every teens has to find their way sooner or later, and that is our task, to help them. Listen to you intuition, see their claim and find a balance in this “pull and let it slip” situation.