Every one of us had a dream when we were a child of being a ballerina, actress, doctor, astronaut, or soldier, but can’t all be those; we need to be fill up the other jobs as well. And of course, there are many of us who lived their dream and they made their dream just the way they wanted it to be when they were children.
But those who had to turn and choose to do something else, they tend to pass their dreams to their children.
And these failed dreams are very heavy pressure for the kids.
And this fact will influence their life.
Like a practicing mother, I can tell that it’s very hard to find a sport, a hobby, or a free-time activity for our kids, especially when they are only about 4 or even when they’re older. We can try to find one, we can try things, but we have to be very observant when kids complain about the activity. Why? Because we can’t be sure why they don’t want to go anymore.
There is a sweet story that happened with my female friends. There were two sisters, the older one is 7, and the younger one is 4. Both were really like dancing queens; they loved dancing, music and of course, they both wanted to go to ballet school.
One day, when the mother felt that the time has come to take them to ballet school, she found a nice and famous teacher and they went to the first class; different groups, different ages, but same teacher.
The older one was running out in tears after 15 minutes. The mother thought that was the first time jitters, that there’s no problem, and that they’ll try again next week. The small one was enjoying the class. The big one did not tell the reason she cried, but she tried again the following week. Same thing happened, she still gave no reason. The forth time was the last time, when they tried, and never again. The small one had no problem at all, and the big one gave her reason after 10 years: the teacher’s voice reminded her to a kindergarten teacher who was very mean and evil to her, and then when she heard her voice, she was scared to death and didn’t want anything other than to be somewhere else.
We never know!
But one thing’s for sure and that is the most important of all: they must be happy with that activity.
If they feel good and relaxed, that is our goal as much as it is theirs. When they come home with a sense of achievement and they feel the pride because of that activity, that means it’s good and important for them. And of course, so many reasons can come up, but if that is only about laziness, we have to be consistent and keep doing that thing but of course not at any price. But sports like swimming, or skiing is much better to learn when we are kids. Hobbies and facultative hours make a difference.
We simply cannot push what we want but the kid would never want.
Do we have to leave it for the kid to decide what he/she wants? I think none of it. The solution is clear and sensible: we have to know our kid; we have to pay attention, and take care of his/her needs. When we do that, we can help them choose, help them try things, and we can smoothly control them.
What are the signs that they are not compatible to that activity?
- When they are complaining often before the program
- They cry when they need to go
- They say they are sick as an excuse to not go – which is not true
- They feel bored
- No happy face
- They are just tired when they’re finish, but not telling how it was and tell no story, just bad feelings
When we see these typical signs, we have to talk to the kid first, we can ask them about the other kids, the teacher, the place, or the environment. If we are lucky, they can tell the real story and if we are even luckier, we can solve the problem. But if it is only about the program being just simply too much for them or it is never going to be his/her favorite activity, then it’s better if we try to look for something else and let them live their own dreams.
Try to be a part of your kids’ life, not just watching them from the outside.
When you involve yourself and you see things from a better view, you can make better decisions and your kid will be happy and much more relaxed. They have to live their own life not yours, help them achieve their goals.