How to Handle When Your Preteen Wants More Independence?
Are you aware that the new adolescence can start at age 6-7, and it’s called preteen years?
Here are a few symptoms - and solutions - if you might have ONE like this around you, without realizing that this is it, and is only aware that something has changed, but you don’t know what.
Our children today has recently reached adulthood. Even the newborn baby has to realize a lot of stimulus around, evolution is getting faster and faster and we can see the symptoms in our kids. Not only physically but mentally and psychologically too. The steps they’re taking are huger than ever, and we adults and parents only try to follow them in that fast tempo.
That means they are already preteens at age 6-7.
We have to catch this on time, otherwise, when it is going to be too late, we won’t be able to bring it back and find a solution by then.
White for us, black for them
We luckily survived the defiance years? After getting over the hysteria in the shop, street, and at home, finally we can take a fresh breath, but after a little peace, we are right in the middle again.
But this time they are coming back with a more sophisticated version, they must say “no” even if they would say yes. When you ask them to brush their teeth, they say: NO, and says only after the cartoon, even if they just started to go to brush their teeth. Because the main thing is this time they are different from the parents and do the opposite of what the adults would request.
we have to understand that this is only a part of their natural evolution, they have to define themselves, and they have to go against the older generation – that is why grandparents and grandchildren come out so well.
This behavior still brings a conflict to the family, but we can be - an have to be - smarter than them. If we want them to take their boots on, put out their sports shoe. If we want them to go to the bath, give them another thing to do, they will say no, and then they’ll finally take a bath.
Offense with everything
Preteens are easily terribly offended. When we tell their good or funny stories to friends or family members, they would think we are laughing at them, and they run away with tears in their eyes. If we ask them strongly to do things, or when we prohibit them from doing something, they retire with a wounded self-esteem. This is very nerve-racking and annoying sometimes, because nothing serious really happened.
We have to realize that for them, it is a very important and far-reaching problem, just like us when we get into situations that can cause us shame. If they feel embarrassed, we have to accept that, and don’t talk about their embarrassing moments in front of others, especially when they can hear it too. And if we tell them that they were not laughing at him/her, and the story was simply funny and very good to tell, they won’t understand that. They are feeling ashamed and that is it. Respect this, and wait peacefully in a silence until this sensitive era has gone away.
When we defy them, try to be moderate. You may criticize their behavior, but not them, and watch your words, be polite but always decidingly express your opinions. And they can’t get away from punishment even if they are huffish, and they have to understand that.
Talking like the big ones!
The preteens are looking for their own style – which, most of the time, is going on the wrong direction, of course. They are trying to imitate the older teens’ speaking style, but this sounds phlegmatic coming from the preteen 6-7-years-old’s mouth. It sounds bad and repellent.
It’s advisable to restrict them from watching the teen TV programs, than just simply calling their attention about it sounding very weird and it does not suit them at all. Because they can hardly understand what style is, they won’t understand that the problem is with their speaking style. But they don’t even mention a bad word; then what is wrong? What do we tell them when we call their attention? We can help by repeating what they say and correcting it. Like if they say: “he is a cool guy,” we should say: “everybody likes him.” Tell them that that is a hundred times nicer and fits more with their age. Furthermore, we can give them positive examples, read books, or watch movies where the hero has positive values, like he’s a good student, he’s polite, and he has a noble soul, yet he can still be popular.
The essence is:
it’s important to realize that this preteen era is a developmental stage of their life, our child does not even help on this, where defiance is making them on fire inside. And make this time period acceptable for everyone with clever methods, because that does not do good for anybody if we are at war from morning ‘til evening.